In Response

 

Normally I wouldn’t respond to such a hateful comment. But, upon heavy contemplation, I realized it was an opportunity to address much of my intentions with this blog/podcast: the acceptance of a nuanced and individualized gay identity versus a uniform one. My response is as follows:

Montey,

I am glad you voiced your criticisms on my content, even despite the defamatory and abusive language you used in doing so. Let me try to address your dissatisfaction as best I can.

“Really, really? really! Please give me a mother fucking break! The first two words out of your mouth were ‘I am a fag’.” —– I can only assume you were referring to an entry I published about my dating life. After researching your background, I know you to be a gay man also. And one who is very outspoken about the acceptance and embrace of a gay lifestyle. I sincerely applaud and am thankful for your actions, as it supports the type of welcoming society every human deserves to live in.

As for myself, I am an only recently out gay man who has had less than a year experience in dating men. It took me a long time to grow comfortable with my attraction to men, due much in part to how much I naively invested in society’s view of the norm. This is no excuse for repressing a real part of myself, but nonetheless it happened. The process of self acceptance, I admit, is not over, but I am most certainly in a place of general comfort about it all now.

Based on your outspokenness toward the acceptance of gay identity, perhaps you sense a hesitancy in my ownership of a gay identity. And, again another speculation, you see this perceived hesitancy as a rejection of gay identity itself. I relent that I do not like being classified as gay, much because it places me in a box of stereotypes, like it or not. However, in openly dating men, I certainly have not shunned that as a lifestyle. The gay identity is much more nuanced and individualized than most settle on seeing. It is not uniform. Both gays and straights alike are guilty of glossing over the details and the qualities each individual human being owns. Each and every one of us has different interests and traits. Just because I am not shouting that I am out and proud, with my actions, clothing, hobbies, friendships, or literally with my own voice, does not mean I am suppressing any individual’s right to be who they are.

Now the second part…. “The whole SF thing is even worse. Ain’t no fags here. How would I know. U should have set it in Bumfuck, OK. OMFG, just give me a break.”——- I actually do live in San Francisco. The city belongs to a wide variety of different people in race, creed, gender, and sexual orientation. There is no doubt that it is heavily populated by the gay community. The circles I’ve naturally chosen to run in don’t happen to involve so many gay people. This does not mean I ignore the gay community entirely. In fact, I’ve been on dates with what feels like half of the gays in the city. Ultimately, I’ve simply chosen what’s felt right to me. Isn’t that what we all want in the end? To have the choice, and even be encouraged, to be ourselves, whatever that may be?

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4 thoughts on “In Response

  1. Your writing is amazing.
    Many of us have been there, not only with coming out but with trying to negotiate a truce with what that means, whether or not we had to embrace a lifestyle with it that might or might not fit us. Its not one size fits all. It’s living however fits you.
    Blessings bro, G

    • Thanks man. I know there’s more than just me out there that believes and promotes this view on people and living, but to actually hear it from another person feels more impactful.

      And thanks for continuing to follow my writing. Keeps me motivated to know my writing is being received and appreciated.

  2. Aww. What an ass! But, I suppose getting random hate mail from the ether means you are making it as a blogger now, right?

    I am really enjoying the blog, from one liberal amidst a quarter life crisis (i.e. grad school) to another.

    • I posted this less than 12 hours ago, and it’s already far and away my most viewed, liked, and commented on post in the year I’ve been doing the blog/podcast. Highly encouraging to get such great feedback and validation for an important piece.

      But, I have to say, disappointing that I couldn’t drive as many people in with the proud content I’d been doing before. It makes me think maybe the best promotion of my blog is to publicly confront and contest more often.

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